How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize