wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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