So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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