I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
