Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
