If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
