she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
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I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
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Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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