I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize