You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
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You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
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I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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