you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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