Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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