see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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