i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
