Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
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her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
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Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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