Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
