I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
