My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
