I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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