I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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