i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
