My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
