They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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