Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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