I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My balls are so social today.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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