i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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