They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
