Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
