Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
