Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
