We named our party play list daddy issues
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
