We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We had sex on a dog bed..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
