Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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