I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
