it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
