Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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