Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
