I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
When are your genitals available?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
