we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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