Will you blow on my dice?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
