he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
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She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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