I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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