yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
BRING THE BAGELS
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
