you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
