I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
