belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
