When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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