Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
