hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
