I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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