did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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