It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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