yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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