He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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