Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
