Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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