im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
