I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
