So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
