i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dick very happy bro
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
