You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
