no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I forgot wine drunk hurts
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
